Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
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