Im at strip club and am horny
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Randomize
