(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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