apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
