Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
