It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize