So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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