I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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