Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
