Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
