I just threw up on my dentist
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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