He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
These tits shall not be calmed
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
