also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
