He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Randomize
