Someone shit on the floor
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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