Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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