Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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