Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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