Operation Purity has been aborted
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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