He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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