PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
You dont lie about slip and slides
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Randomize
