if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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