he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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