Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
