My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
