i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
