I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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