I'm going to jail i love you
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
We had sex on a dog bed..
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Randomize
