Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
