i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
