I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
