peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
