So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
