It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
