apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Woman Using Lunch Break To Find Another Job Gets Hilariously Snitched On By The Local News
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
28 ‘Thanks For Coming To My Ted Talk Tweets’ Funnier And More Informative Than An Actual Ted Talk
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome