Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
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