I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
