He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize