i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
