I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
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Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
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I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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