My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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