woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
