I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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