and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Randomize
