she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
i came on her dog
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
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