my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
