I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize