Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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