"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
