you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Randomize
