we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
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