its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
