How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
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