Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
