she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
