Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize
