he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
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