I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
