Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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