God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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