I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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