at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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