honey bunches of taint.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
